Another Sleepless Night

Long time no see. Bcs menurut Dewi sebuah tulisan adalah luapan emosi dan everything i wrote this past months terlihat sangat dark dan consuming so it is unacceptable. Bismillah semoga yang ini tidak terlalu.

Begadang malam ini disponsori oleh ngestalk timeline twitternya Dewi Persik. Iya, sampe ada sapi goyang gergaji pun kayaknya gua gak akan pernah mengisi waktu-waktu gabut dengan hal-hal yang terlihat berfaedah. This post gonna be a pointless, not-so-useful, and basically consists of personal rants. rANTS.

Andd im tired as fuck and why society only accepts bright people like how about me. Im not very bright (physically, emotionally, and intelligence or whatever it is). Right now, im just so full of hate. Even demons can see his reflections on my eyes i swear.

And my eyebags getting thicker day by day.

Inside my head, its a mess. Makin lama dan gua makin percaya bahwa i'm a mess. I'm not more than the mess inside my head. Dewi tau ini sebuah sugesti yang sangat-sangat-sangat negatif, tapi... I've got no one to tell me otherwise though. I'm a good for nothing dan how can I love myself if... i just hate every single thing that made me.

But thats okay. It is okay. I think i can pass through this shit. Nggak dalam waktu dekat, mungkin, tapi pasti bisa. Dewi bisa.


.

.
Terang bulan
Aku tidur-tiduran
Lihat langit-langit berlubang
Aih, ini bisa bocor

Untung tidak hujan.

Bantalku basah
Kena air bocoran
Tapi itu sudah lama sekali
Bekasnya kuning

Sekarang tidak hujan
Tapi kamarku
Pernah kehujanan
Deras sekali

Bantal
dan langit-langitku
(masih) Kuning pekat

Semoga bisa dicuci.
.

Bandung, 11 November 2015
(capek)

Secuil Langit

"Everything is falling apart. And here i am busy planning my ways to kill my demons without killing myself in process"

Sometimes i'm sad with no reason, its just that im sad. Like.... sad. Gelisah, sedih, takut. Kaya perasaan mau nangis yang ngga bisa dijelaskan. Padahal ngga ada apa-apa juga. Mau... nangis.

I am moody as hell. Literally yang 5 menit nyolot, 5 berikutnya ketawa-ketawa hina, dan bisa aja 5 menit berikutnya marah sambil hentak-hentak kaki. Ulangi siklus itu sampe bego, and you got me.

Im not exactly healthy. Tapi dibilang sakit juga engga bisa. . . Kaya i'm not made to do tiring shit tapi ya kalo sekali-sekali aja ya kuat lah walaupun mungkin hasilnya ga semaksimal itu.

I overthink. And sometimes i just forgot how to be me.

I wander and wonder. I do those daydreaming thing and often leave the reality behind. Because sometimes reality sucks and thats just it. Bengong, they said, is my way for escaping life.

I cry a lot. I sleep a lot. And i cried myself to sleep, a lot. Sebenernya ini terjadi baru-baru aja... but i think it has become a habit now, a really bad one.

i'd love to help people when i dont even know how to help myself.


And once i wished that people would need me as much as i need them
i need you.


but you,
you know that i was fragile but dropped me anyway
.

Pelangi Monokromatik

duniaku jatuh cinta

cahayanya terang

mozaik warna warni merah muda

tapi langitnya biru

aku tahu kamu abu abu

aku tahu hitam muda mu

putih tua mu

tapi kamu pelangi

pelangi monokrom

yang melengkung di

langit biruku

katakan warnamu

merahmu kuningmu hijaumu

bahkan birumu

aku ingin tahu

karena suatu saat

abu abu itu

akan berwarna

Bandung, Maret 2015. (biru)

Jenuh

Dear.

Maaf ku jenuh padamu, lama sudah terpendam, tertahan di bibirku. Mauku tak menyakiti, meski begitu indah, ku masih tetap saja, jenuh.

- buat kampus tercinta.
Loplop bgtda huft.